Self Love
During the Incredible Summer, I was walking in the woods filled with grief and self-loathing. It was springtime and the trilliums were out in abundance covering the forest floor in ablaze of white snow. I fell to the ground not wanting to continue either walking or living. Beside me was a trillium that I stared at without seeing for some time so filled with my own morbid thoughts. Eventually the trillium came into focus and I was struck by its individual beauty. I meditated on it to distract myself, following every line and crevasse and taking note of the subtle change of colour. How incredibly intricate it was with it’s tiny veins carrying it’s life to the tips of its surface.
It occurred to me that if I hadn’t stopped to look, it would have gone unnoticed in its individuality. It would only have been one amongst a million, a tiny thread in the forest tapestry. Yet standing alone it contained such a miracle of life. Had I not stopped at that exact spot this trillium would have grown from a seed, been just as beautiful without me taking the time to see it, and then in a short time died. It’s sole purpose in life was to be beautiful, whether noticed or not.
My head felt light and I was unaware of my surroundings, it was just me and the trillium. It was as if I became the trillium and for that time I was as beautiful. I saw my life in such a different way that it was like being handed a gift. The gift was life itself. The miracle of my being alive struck me with such relevance. It was if I was given a gift and I took one look at it and threw it across the floor like a spoiled child saying, “I hate it. Give me something better.” The secret was that there is nothing better. The gift was perfect and I had never seen it.
From then on I knew I had no right to hate myself. I was given this miracle of life and I wanted to love every part of it. I understood that it had nothing to do with my personality or my so-called failings or my body or my failure at love. It had to do with my job here on earth. I was born to bring beauty into the world and then eventually after a short time, die. It had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the world and what I did in it, no matter how simple, even if I went unnoticed.
I stood up and I cannot explain the feeling in my body. It was as if I was weightless for I had the sensation of floating, my feet inches above the ground. I was aware of the truth of what I had touched upon for never had I felt such peace and elation. I had found for myself the miracle of loving myself
During the Incredible Summer, I was walking in the woods filled with grief and self-loathing. It was springtime and the trilliums were out in abundance covering the forest floor in ablaze of white snow. I fell to the ground not wanting to continue either walking or living. Beside me was a trillium that I stared at without seeing for some time so filled with my own morbid thoughts. Eventually the trillium came into focus and I was struck by its individual beauty. I meditated on it to distract myself, following every line and crevasse and taking note of the subtle change of colour. How incredibly intricate it was with it’s tiny veins carrying it’s life to the tips of its surface.
It occurred to me that if I hadn’t stopped to look, it would have gone unnoticed in its individuality. It would only have been one amongst a million, a tiny thread in the forest tapestry. Yet standing alone it contained such a miracle of life. Had I not stopped at that exact spot this trillium would have grown from a seed, been just as beautiful without me taking the time to see it, and then in a short time died. It’s sole purpose in life was to be beautiful, whether noticed or not.
My head felt light and I was unaware of my surroundings, it was just me and the trillium. It was as if I became the trillium and for that time I was as beautiful. I saw my life in such a different way that it was like being handed a gift. The gift was life itself. The miracle of my being alive struck me with such relevance. It was if I was given a gift and I took one look at it and threw it across the floor like a spoiled child saying, “I hate it. Give me something better.” The secret was that there is nothing better. The gift was perfect and I had never seen it.
From then on I knew I had no right to hate myself. I was given this miracle of life and I wanted to love every part of it. I understood that it had nothing to do with my personality or my so-called failings or my body or my failure at love. It had to do with my job here on earth. I was born to bring beauty into the world and then eventually after a short time, die. It had nothing to do with me and everything to do with the world and what I did in it, no matter how simple, even if I went unnoticed.
I stood up and I cannot explain the feeling in my body. It was as if I was weightless for I had the sensation of floating, my feet inches above the ground. I was aware of the truth of what I had touched upon for never had I felt such peace and elation. I had found for myself the miracle of loving myself